New Years

The season of gift giving merriment has come to an inevitable and very welcome close. Now I'm back to life and working on my New Years resolution which is not at all specific and kinda all over the place. Wrapped into it is this declaration: I will STOP self deprecating once and for all. What occurs when you beat the shit out of yourself on a regular basis is the desire to do nothing to fix whatever your particular hang up is. Example: When I was a good deal heavier, I would routinely try to exercise or eat better. Next thing you know, I was attacking myself because I didn't run far enough, or I ate something late at night. So the motivation (feeling good) is gone because you end up feeling worse about yourself.  The ONLY way to get what you want is to think of it in a positive way. The best way to lose weight is to decide you want to feel better instead of look better. After the divorce stuff, I was a person riddled with anxiety. Some people get depressed with depression; I get depressed with anxiety. I couldn't stop pacing, moving, ringing my hands. The only thing that gave me peace was to run. I would wake up in the morning craving a good long run. During these runs, I never once thought about how badly I was running, how short or how far, how fast or slow, how long. I thought about nothing. Combine that with barely eating (anxiety takes away the appetite) and you can see how I dropped 30lbs in 2 months.