Tis the season

I woke up this morning to fog. I originally planned to follow Jon out the door after I played on his computer a bit (mine is sick), but now I think his bed is calling me. Cooooome to me Liz...you know you want to....cooooome to me. Come.

It's been a weird week. Things are looking up so I feel strong enough to vox. I literally wrote three different times since Tuesday and deleted them all.  My propensity to be guarded is a detriment to my sanity. That's what I'm learning. The few times I've been upset about something, it vanishes once I talk to Jon about it. Still, I try to hold out in hopes it'll go away. Why you ask? Well, saying outloud that anything bothers me means that stuff bothers me. Simply, I don't want to be bothered, I don't want to admit that I'm bothered. I want to be nothing but happiness and good times. Secondly in regards to Jon, I fear that complacency when the newness of love wears off and normalcy sets in. It's strange that I want to see myself as being emotionless. It's silly to think that Jon and I could ever really be complacent- the adventure junkies we are (I even mentioned last night that I imagine my adventure increasing a tad more once I graduate. Moving sounds very appealing to me. Who knows where...). Once I let it out, I feel so relieved...and also a little embarrassed. I'm learning. We both are. My challenge is going to be accepting my emotions and trying to communicate them immediately.

Nothing was really wrong this week, mind you, except for this girly brain stuff that hits from time to time. Your brain is a big, fat liar in case you didn't know. It loves to trick you, spin you around, create doubt and worry, try and make you ask unanswerable questions, or project unrealistically into some unknown future when the reality is you may die today.  Morbid, yes. True, yes. Always there is a part of you that knows your brain is lying. Sometimes, if you're conscious of it, you can recognize it and it subsides quickly. Sometimes people accept the lie...they want the lie. It proves that the world is unfair and that things outside themselves are responsible for their misery. That is NEVER true. 

In other news, big weekend coming up. I have to finish my shopping, Friday night there is the option of seeing two bands and attending a party, but I may not do that as I have to work Saturday morning. Sunday is cooking and the Trudy's Holiday Party. Monday is working and Hanukkah party. Tuesday nothing (day of rest). Wednesday drive to Dallas for Christmas. Driving back Thursday. Probably working Thursday night. Then the next weekend we're off to Arkansas to see Dad. A couple of weeks after that I start school again. Hope I can arrange a great schedule this time. Hmmm...must think of a New Years resolution........