3 posts from December 2008

I woke up this morning to fog. I originally planned to follow Jon out the door after I played on his computer a bit (mine is sick), but now I think his bed is calling me. Cooooome to me Liz...you know you want to....cooooome to me. Come.

It's been a weird week. Things are looking up so I feel strong enough to vox. I literally wrote three different times since Tuesday and deleted them all.  My propensity to be guarded is a detriment to my sanity. That's what I'm learning. The few times I've been upset about something, it vanishes once I talk to Jon about it. Still, I try to hold out in hopes it'll go away. Why you ask? Well, saying outloud that anything bothers me means that stuff bothers me. Simply, I don't want to be bothered, I don't want to admit that I'm bothered. I want to be nothing but happiness and good times. Secondly in regards to Jon, I fear that complacency when the newness of love wears off and normalcy sets in. It's strange that I want to see myself as being emotionless. It's silly to think that Jon and I could ever really be complacent- the adventure junkies we are (I even mentioned last night that I imagine my adventure increasing a tad more once I graduate. Moving sounds very appealing to me. Who knows where...). Once I let it out, I feel so relieved...and also a little embarrassed. I'm learning. We both are. My challenge is going to be accepting my emotions and trying to communicate them immediately.

Nothing was really wrong this week, mind you, except for this girly brain stuff that hits from time to time. Your brain is a big, fat liar in case you didn't know. It loves to trick you, spin you around, create doubt and worry, try and make you ask unanswerable questions, or project unrealistically into some unknown future when the reality is you may die today.  Morbid, yes. True, yes. Always there is a part of you that knows your brain is lying. Sometimes, if you're conscious of it, you can recognize it and it subsides quickly. Sometimes people accept the lie...they want the lie. It proves that the world is unfair and that things outside themselves are responsible for their misery. That is NEVER true. 

In other news, big weekend coming up. I have to finish my shopping, Friday night there is the option of seeing two bands and attending a party, but I may not do that as I have to work Saturday morning. Sunday is cooking and the Trudy's Holiday Party. Monday is working and Hanukkah party. Tuesday nothing (day of rest). Wednesday drive to Dallas for Christmas. Driving back Thursday. Probably working Thursday night. Then the next weekend we're off to Arkansas to see Dad. A couple of weeks after that I start school again. Hope I can arrange a great schedule this time. Hmmm...must think of a New Years resolution........ 

It's been a long time since I was in a mosh pit. Ever since the Nine Inch Nails incident in the 9th grade (crazed mosh pit on ice, drugged up friend needing a rescue, random drugged up dude punching me), I've avoided those things. This one was fairly tame by comparison. The guys in Fishbone have a ska/reggae/punk feel and are all in their mid to upper 40's. They still have the energy of 20-year-olds. The crowd just absorbed it, sending back it's own energy in kind. Jon, Kristen, and I were doing a little dancing near the front row early on in the set when the singer decided to stage dive. The crowd went insane and never recovered. I was immediately separated from Jon by the swell of people invading the front of the stage. I had a choice to make: either make my way to the back where sanity prevailed, or get my spot back. These guys had ripped me from my spot at the foot of the stage and I wasn't about to let them get away with it. I pushed my way back to it, wedged myself into a tiny spot, and joined the insanity. This life gives you very little opportunity to be swept up in such energy-I had to join. The fans were like the rising and falling tide of the sea, pushing against the front in a dramatic sway, and falling backwards hoping someone would catch them. I maintained my foothold. My fellow front of stagers had my back and I had theirs. When a diving idiot kicked me in the face and I lost my balance, my dredlock friend pulled me upright. When someone tried to dislodge my dredlock friend, I pulled him back to his place. The only real annoyance I had was with two guys who decided to use the mosh pit as an excuse to rub against me. You can tell the difference. Someone moshing uses their upper body to push, these guys used their crotches. It got to the point that I was being hurled against the stage most violently, almost doubling over on to it. But I wasn't giving up my spot, damn it. I pushed back with my elbow, yelled at them to get off me, fought. Luckily, Jon saw what was happening and got right behind me the play defense. It made me happy. I have never been protected before and though I'm not quite used to it, I'm grateful. Of course, the humping stopped immediately. At some point, while I was still adrenaline junky, Jon was ready to go back to sanity. I was too, though there was this egoic need to keep my spot. The spot that I fought for-that I struggled for, until the end of the show. Then I realized I was being silly and joined him and Kristen at the bar. 

Life of me.  Oh me Oh Life....

Newnesseseseses?

Presently, I have a Beyonce (oops...Sasha Fierce, that is) song in my head. The repeating line: "If you like it than you should've put a ring on it." Really it's the video that's taken over my brain. The song is catchy though uncomfortably marriage forward...but I want to learn that freakin dance.

Presently, I am sitting in the computer lab at school listening to a group practice a spanish presentation. I can't understand it except that it seems to be regarding Shakira. Ola. No mi gusta Shakira. Shakira es muy estupido.

Presently, I have braces. I was able to actually eat a bagel today!!! That's amazing. And it wasn't even disgusting to eat! I never realized how gross eating is in general. I hate eating right now. It's such a pain.

Presently, I have a lot of love in my life.  I am astounded and supremely grateful.  

Presently, I live with my friend Jen Tran whose 3 legged Shitzu continuously tries to kill my 80lb lab.  It's a funny sight.

Presently, I am exhausted and waiting for my last class to begin. I have a lot of work to do tonight to get ready for my tests.

Presently, I am worried and also fed up with my mom. She is having a hard time with the holidays. understandable. But she has taken to bursting into tears and hanging up on me. I suggested grief conselling. I think I can get her to agree.

Presently, I am impressed with Jon's amazing drive to get what he wants out of this life. It is inspiring to ultra laid back me.

Presently, I am excited to become an aunt. Miss Taylor has grown quite large in mama Mindy's belly.

Presently, I miss my Dallas friends. I miss Sara and Liz. I miss Brett. I miss Heather. I miss my Dad.

Presently, I am so excited to travel to California. Though I did reach out to Jeremy again because I felt weird going there without him aware of my presence--though he is in LA. No response. We shall see. I wish he would get over this. Not sure if it's about me, but it seems strange that since Jon came into my life, Jer is giving me the cold shoulder. I sincerely hope it's not a jealousy thing because that would be retarded.