New house
Decorating is nearly complete. All of the boxes are unpacked and we managed to find a place for everything with virtually NO storage in sight. Ahhh accomplishments. We are loving it. Jon and I are closer and better than ever. I am ridiculously happy...
and yet....
I'm trying desperately to remember what it's like to feel well. I've been sick for 15 days now. Half a month of icky, tired, coughy messiness. I long to work out. I looong to take a bike ride to the river. I want to take the dogs for a walk. I want to work without losing my voice. I want to go back to school and be focused! I want to drink! I want to have something to talk about. Currently, I'm reading a lot of news because I have no stories of my own to tell. Interesting things don't happen to you while riding the couch watching Sex and the City. Plus, my frustration has decided to attack Jon on occassion. Poor guy has done nothing but take care of me and I lost my shit at him because I ruined a fish taco dinner. My only saving grace is that ever since becoming attracted to Buddhism, I've been extremely self aware. I stopped myself mid-freakout. However, I have to accept my condition as it is now, not identify with it and let it be. Not easy. This is our meditation room.
I feel really smug sometimes about avoiding the constraints of Christian thought. I've always found it to be too much about God and Christ and not enough about our fellow humans. How is it possible to be spiritually inclined when the basis of it is a fear of a place called Hell? How can anyone root themselves in the present moment when their religion is focused on the here-after? How can we better the world that way? Smuggness is very ego and every now and then I find myself happily hummiliated by a Christian. I grew up with this guy, Ryan. He was a mess. He got into drugs in the worst way and a series of tragedy fell on him throughout his early life. He watched his best friend die of a heroin overdose. He drove his car into someone's house. He was in and out of jail. And then he found God. Even after finding religion, he lost his young fiancee to cancer. I have only conversed with him via facebook, but he is truly inspiring. I feel a really beautiful energy off his facebook posts-and that is saying something. He isn't religious because of his family, or because he's afraid not to be. He is religious because Christianity is the way he has been able to connect to his spirit and the spirit of others. You won't see a happier person. This all leads me back to a less judgemental and smug thought: whatever works for you. Clearly though, I have a long way to go in my spiritual pursuit.
To do list
and yet....
I'm trying desperately to remember what it's like to feel well. I've been sick for 15 days now. Half a month of icky, tired, coughy messiness. I long to work out. I looong to take a bike ride to the river. I want to take the dogs for a walk. I want to work without losing my voice. I want to go back to school and be focused! I want to drink! I want to have something to talk about. Currently, I'm reading a lot of news because I have no stories of my own to tell. Interesting things don't happen to you while riding the couch watching Sex and the City. Plus, my frustration has decided to attack Jon on occassion. Poor guy has done nothing but take care of me and I lost my shit at him because I ruined a fish taco dinner. My only saving grace is that ever since becoming attracted to Buddhism, I've been extremely self aware. I stopped myself mid-freakout. However, I have to accept my condition as it is now, not identify with it and let it be. Not easy. This is our meditation room.
I feel really smug sometimes about avoiding the constraints of Christian thought. I've always found it to be too much about God and Christ and not enough about our fellow humans. How is it possible to be spiritually inclined when the basis of it is a fear of a place called Hell? How can anyone root themselves in the present moment when their religion is focused on the here-after? How can we better the world that way? Smuggness is very ego and every now and then I find myself happily hummiliated by a Christian. I grew up with this guy, Ryan. He was a mess. He got into drugs in the worst way and a series of tragedy fell on him throughout his early life. He watched his best friend die of a heroin overdose. He drove his car into someone's house. He was in and out of jail. And then he found God. Even after finding religion, he lost his young fiancee to cancer. I have only conversed with him via facebook, but he is truly inspiring. I feel a really beautiful energy off his facebook posts-and that is saying something. He isn't religious because of his family, or because he's afraid not to be. He is religious because Christianity is the way he has been able to connect to his spirit and the spirit of others. You won't see a happier person. This all leads me back to a less judgemental and smug thought: whatever works for you. Clearly though, I have a long way to go in my spiritual pursuit.
To do list
- study for law test tomorrow
- clean up
- start applying for summer internships
- join spj
- check out school radio and newspaper
- rest rest rest
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