2 posts from November 2009

I can't make it to the gym. The amount of time I have is so limited that I would have to go at night. I suppose I could do that, but I'd rather hang out with Jon and the dogs. So in an effort to (1) be healthy, (2) keep weight off, and (3) practice non-violence through Ahimsa, I am going to take dairy off the menu.

I Love Cheese.

I LOVE Cheese.

I LOVE CHEESE!!!!!!!!!

Oh well. Some people love heroin but that doesn't make it good for you.

Also...I LOVE CHOCOLATE

So now I'm a dark chocolate fan forever more.

The above will be the greatest challenge.

In other news I have my first therapy appointment today. I plan to discuss two issues: the first will be my reaction to relationship stress. Guess what! Now I'm a jealous girlfriend. I never ever ever used to be but that's what divorce and infidelity will do to a woman. Keep in mind that I'm not insane and controlling over it. Not once have I asked Jon to refrain from hanging out with someone..really the whole thing has not effected him except that he has to deal with my internal misery. I am positive this is back lash from Tommy and also abandonment issues in relation to my family. Secondly, I seem to get really excited and balls out about a career path or decision...but then I freeze. Take school for instance: I make decent grades but I am frozen when it comes to committing myself to the things that REALLY matter like the school paper. I need to work for it. I have to! Or I could work for the radio station. I'm making up excuses about it. For example, the paper's website is run by this pompous dude that's in my multi media class. When he speaks, I want to throw sharp, pointed objects at him. I don't want to work for him but I have to get over that.

It should be productive. Hopefully my therapist can guide me to a place where I can weed out the crap and let my confidence spread some roots.  

Open the car door,
Pay for everything,
Give up a seat in the bus,
Pull out the chair,
Lift heavy objects,
Walk closest to the street...

...are all things my boyfriend does NOT do.

And why should he? Chivalry is not dead, but I wonder if it should be?

It's not that I'm a super femanazi and hate the idea of a man doing anything for me; I will gladly accept help from anyone if I need it. I'm more of an equal opportunist. Let's go back to the example of the bus. Say a guy gets on my full school bus carrying an armful of books and papers. He's obviously trying to reach the rail above him so that he can gain some balance. If I only had a bag, I would give him my seat. That's common courty. But, if a girl gets on my full bus carrying a purse, why the hell does she need to sit down? She can stand her happy ass up for 10 minutes.

Chivalry is werid. It's like a computer program for the guys who perform it. When I dated Brett, he went so far as to circle the entire truck to take a light grocery bag from my poor, feminine hands. It was terribly awkward and beyond unnecessary. But that's how Brett is trained. One thing Jon will do is step back to let me pass through a doorway before him. I remember at the beginning of our relationship, there was a strange pause because I would stop to let him through (since he was in front of me) and he would stop to let me through. Since Jon is the ultimate equal opportunist, it occurred to me that this desire to let me pass through a door first is firmly rooted in his brain...it's almost unconscious. Does that mean that chivalry is unconscious in itself? Perhaps their mothers beat it into their brains? 

The solution is that we should all be chivalrous. If it's convenient for me to be sweet and open the passenger door for Jon, I should. If I could make life easier for someone on the bus...why not? If I make more money than you and I am inviting you to dinner...I pay. It's common sense.